Relationships: my favorite topic to write about. I have held the title of Most Single Girl in America several times now. Your girl is not ashamed; I’ll wear it like The Scarlet Letter. When I’m a single lady, I don’t mope around – cry me a river and make pour (be kind, re-wine) decisions. I embrace the fact that I am an intelligent lady unwilling to sit around wasting my precious little time. You can waste your money, you can waste your food (I’m Palestinian – we don’t get down like that), but no, hun, you can’t waste my time. Yes, you can make more mula – you can devour more grub – but time is as precious as a gem, and every tick on your timepiece counts, because you can’t get that baby got back. When I am ready to fall for someone, I can assure you of something: they will catch me.
I should start charging my friends on account of how much they call me asking for relationship advice (or they can pay my phone bill – either works for me). All my hopelessly devoted friends who call me for a little one-two-step on the right path were experiencing very different scenarios, but I found myself dishing out the same advice. I wish I had a tape recorder I could play – my track would run repeatedly like a subpar DJ at the club. Since I am feeling kind today, I will share a little bit of my brilliance with you all, so you can be happier than Pharrell like Yours Truly.
Most feel exhilarated when a new relationship that does not start off on a rocky road comes along. To be fair, I can attest to the fact that if something new seems to be staying alive like my orchid, the feeling is comparable to the sun in St. Tropez (it’s hot). What follows is no guarantee, but if it seems to be going anywhere but South (not literally, ya’ll), most people will dive in like they’re Captain of the swim team. I have had my fair share of experiences with false advertisement – things are too good to be true, then I get buried in red flags like I’m playing two-hand touch. If you know exactly what you’re willing to tolerate, there will be no room for mishaps, there will be no excuses being made for your S/O, and there certainly will be no tears left to cry – cue Ariana Grande. SET YOUR BOUNDARIES. Keep your standards, head and heels (sorry to my male followers) HIGHER than the Lordt. Don’t let the way someone else treats you determine your worth.
Oddly enough, many people find thrill in “the chase.” I, for one, refuse to partake in any chasing – the only thing running in my life is my mouth. For those of you who enjoy following the leader, you are more than likely going to be the one getting hurt in the long run. You will be left with a boo boo – not a boo. You may be asking yourself: Why do I feel so powerless in my relationships? Why do I give so much and not get the same in return? How did I become so codependent? What’s wrong with me? Why didn’t my relationship last? Love is a beautiful thing and something we all long for. There is no such thing as “perfect.” There is no such thing as a how-to handbook on making your relationship take off like a G6, but the easiest way to a fair shot at lift off is based on the spouse you choose. Wake up and smell the coffee! There are tell-tale signs if the person you are interested in is here for the long haul, or here for a good time (not a long time). Pay attention! You don’t want to be the one they walk all over like a rug then hang you out to dry when they’re done with you. You can’t choose a loser and expect them to become a winner winner chicken dinner.
Backstreet Boys said it first, but I’ll say it again. Quit playing games with my heart. Listen up – games are for children, so act your age and not your shoe size. Nothing irritates me more than hearing a gasp when someone gets a text from their crush and BOOM – admit one onto the hot mess express. “Should I text back? What should I say? How long should I wait to answer?” It’s 2019 – most of the population has a cellular device, so, what are you waiting for? Be the person you’re wanting to attract. I cannot be any clearer: If someone wants to talk to you, they will. If someone wants to see you, they will. No one is too busy to show an A for effort. If you act like Jessica Alba’s company and stay honest, you will save yourself from getting played like a violin.
When you find true love, your heart will leap like the star of the recital. You will open your heart because your S/O opened your mind. REAL-ationships will be easy, breezy and beautiful. Sure, people are bound to fight occasionally, but people only fight for something that’s worth fighting for. Prioritize your well-being. Accept the fact that not everyone is right for you, and when something ends, it’s a gateway for something new to begin. Until you meet the one for you (AKA the luckiest human – I’m talking hit-the-lotto-in-Vega$ lucky), don’t just survive, THRIVE, baby! If I can do it after all I have been through, you can too!
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